LIM College

by Tonya Burks

“Should I stay? Should I go? Am I ready? How will I survive without seeing my family until Christmas? How will I survive on my own without anyone close to me here?”

Those were the questions running through my head the day I arrived in New York. This was the start of major anxiety and homesickness for me.

As time went on and my parents left to go back home to Louisiana, I wasn’t feeling my best.

Don’t get me wrong. I knew I wanted to be here in my dream city, but it seemed at first every little thing reminded me of back home. You have to understand, I am nineteen hours away from home. I can’t go home every weekend or holiday whenever I feel like it. I can only see my family once a school year. When I felt like I was getting over my homesickness, something hit me again and again until one day I couldn’t fight back the tears anymore.

I came back from class, grabbed my laptop and books from my room and left to go find a quiet place alone. I looked everywhere until I finally settled on a close-off section in the library. I was still trying to fight back tears until I broke down. It took me at least twenty minutes to get myself together.

I tried calling my Mama, but she wasn’t home to help comfort me. I just felt every emotion bombarded me all at once, right smack in my face. Later that night, my mom finally called me back. I told her everything that happened and she told me, “Don’t give up. You’re just going through homesickness and just trying to adjust. Stop dwelling on the bad and just focus on the good and on you.”

“Do you want to come home?” she asked.

“No!” I exclaimed. “There’s nothing down there for me.”

She replied, “Well suck it up and get through it. You and I both know you’ll get over it eventually, just be patient.”

With her saying that and among other things, she made me feel so much better. I can honestly say I needed that break down, because holding it in would of made things even worse. That day was the start of something new and overcoming my fears and being on my own.

“WHY THE HECK WOULD I EVER CONSIDER LEAVING NEW YORK!!!” I confusingly shouted in my head.

What person in their right mind would do that? I have an enormous amount of opportunities and experience here. Going back to Louisiana would be a regretful mistake. Feeling the way I did is understandable, but in no way was it  enough to end my dreams.

I've learned to not let these feelings overpower me. That’s why I decided to get help for my anxiety and other situations by seeing the school counselor, which helped a lot.

Today, I feel more relaxed and comfortable living in such a new environment. I’m still trying to adjust to having a roommate, but that’s just a minor thing that I’m willing to, and well, have to deal with. I’m taking everyday step by step, but overall, you can say I’m okay now and that’s good enough for me.